Walking this journey that is not openly talked about is something we had to learn to manoeuvre with time -even though if we go to Hospitals, the ads for infertility / IVF are all over the lifts and walls but it almost seems like an unspoken taboo like let’s not get there or even mention it kind of issue.
But in my own personal honest opinion, just like any other issues people face, it needs to be communicated out - at least to the right people. However, IVF / pregnancy is not the only thing people are facing in their life. Many a times, to avoid friends and family from bringing up the topic (like as if that is the only thing people think about the whole day, although yes it bothers us from time to time and sometimes it can be an entire day or week), they avoid talking about it altogether. I mean, how many times do one need to talk about it like a broken record?
At the beginning, Lips and I spoke about our issues with very selected few trusted friends. People who were not there to constantly bombard us with 10,000 ways to increase fertility or ‘let me introduce you to a hostssss of TCMs / Doctors that can help you’ or use the bible to hit us hard about maybe we are not praying enough or try to preach to us a 1 hour sermon about fertility in the bible etc etc etc....
We chose friends who understood our pain, prayed with us, be there for us, love us, gave wise and sound advise and protected us. These were people who we allowed into our lives and gave them the persmission to speak into our situation. And we constantly updated them about our lives and what our next progress was, I updated them about how I was feeling even if I was not in the best that day. I was vulnerable and I knew I could be vulnerable with them because they won’t abuse our vulnerability.
There were times when we were invited to baby showers or heard friends getting pregnant like popping popcorns and it was just so difficult for us. We were so happy for them yet so sad for us. We avoided kids birthday parties, baby showers and just kids in general.
There were even times when I unknowingly felt bitter towards God. I couldn’t comprehend His love by allowing us go through this. People tried to assure us that God loves us and wants the best for us but no amount of words will settle. Also, I just couldn’t bring myself to God. And I came to understand that it is okay. It is okay to feel this way. It is okay to be angry with God. It is okay to allow time and moments to bring peace and revelations. Simply because as finite beings, we may not understand our Father who is infinite and every intricate moment is in His plan and purpose. We can only pray for the 'Ah Ha!' moment when we realise the plans of God unfolding.
Time passed and as we begin to mature in this journey, we wouldn’t say it gets any easier but our perspective about this journey gets wider and broader. We had our own personal revelation and encounters with God that set us free from our own finite mind.
We were able to share our journey with other people. We also pulled friends alongside who are / were in the same journey to walk with them. Friends who could not share with others because of one reason or another, we walked with them. Some have gotten their breakthroughs and have children. It brings us so much joy to see their breakthrough and we no longer feel sad for us. Others are still ongoing this journey just like us and we encourage each other.
It is true with the saying - a joy shared, a joy doubled, a pain shared is a pain halve.
No comments:
Post a Comment